But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today. Matthew 6:33-34
I began writing this blog, and then I realized just how long it was. SO! I have broken it up into two parts. Here’s the backstory prior to finding my new call:
My final semester has been a whirlwind of finishing classes, completing assignments, and searching for a job. In my four years at CTS I have had anxiety about finding a job after graduation.
What if I reach graduation and I still have no idea what’s coming next? What if I go all summer without finding anything? Should Andy keep his teaching job just in case? How will we pay rent? Would we have to live in my mother-in-law’s basement back home in TN until we find something?
All of these thoughts ran through my mind each spring as I watched my classmates search for jobs. However, I found it interesting to see a quiet confidence in the graduates, even the ones who had no idea what was coming next. There was an understanding that, yes, they are called. And yes, they have certain standards they are willing to fight for when they accept a call. Whether that be based on the type of work being done, or in a particular location they wanted to live, or with the needs of a spouse or kids to keep in mind. Watching the tension of confidence and uncertainty as graduates embraced their future prepared me for my search. It didn’t mean that I would find something immediately or that I wouldn’t have any major stress over it, but that the Spirit would be with me propelling me forward.
I have had a number of negative experiences with church. I have struggled for quite some time with my call to the church and specifically to the pulpit. I experienced my first church split before kindergarten, and have been a part of a few others in my childhood. I have felt the pressure to be a perfect role model as a preacher’s kid. I have worked in a church where I was treated with hostility by the pastor, making it clear I wasn’t welcome. I worked in another church where I was hired to save a dead youth group, and it was made clear by the youth and the parents that they wanted the youth group to stay dead. In the months leading to my job search, I was dead set against applying to churches. I only wanted to apply to campus ministry positions, having been burnt time and time again. Like Moses (I cannot speak!), like Jeremiah (I am just a boy!), and even like Jesus (my Father, let this cup pass from me!) I put up a fight to the task to which I was called.
I was certified, ready for a call* just before Christmas. So my PIF* was out just as the holidays hit. And when I began applying, there was a strong gut feeling that I needed to apply to associate pastor positions. These are moments when my faith in God is clear (and believe me, my faith can get really shaky.) God was making it clear that this call was not about me, but about who I am being moved to serve. I remembered all the moments in working in church when I obeyed the Spirit, God moved, and Christ’s church was blessed. I remembered all the times that I, too, had been blessed by the church and how Jesus kept welcoming me back with love. So in January I began phone conversations, email chains, and Skype interviews for potential church placements. There were a number of churches who I spoke with who were very different in their interview than how they described themselves in their MIF.* But I found one particular church that was honest, genuine, and upfront about who they were.
(*certified, ready for a call in the Presbyterian church means that an individual has satisfied their ordination requirements and can begin looking for ministry positions.
*PIF=Personal Information Form, which the PCUSA uses as a type of resume to connect call-seekers to a call placement.
*MIF=Mission Information Form, which is the church or call placement’s description used to describe themselves and the position to call-seekers.)